Day 11 – What You Wore Today
So today was a rare day off work that I didn’t have anything planned. I was thinking of doing so many things but in the end I decided to go and see my younger brother and his girlfriend who live up in Inverness. It was a beautiful day, perfect for a trip to a beautiful part of the Scottish Highlands. My fiancé was working so I headed off myself for what was rocking up to be a relaxing day out.
Clothes aren’t something I’m particularly interested in. I love a cute dress in a soft material or a geeky Welcome to Night Vale top and some jeans. I like to feel pretty but comfortable and I don’t spend a lot of time getting ready. So today, of course I didn’t dress appropriately for 27 degree heat. Head to toe in black. I wore a dress I bought recently from Dorothy Perkins for leaving night planned for a guy I worked with (he is my favourite Greek man. So much energy. I miss him). Soft material that is stretchy and comfortable, long enough that I can wear it without tights or leggings if I want to, shoulder less and kick ass with a pair of boots.
Today I felt pretty. I felt bad ass. I felt great. Today was a day to feel powerful and strong and I did. I did something scary this morning before setting off for Inverness but I felt confident which helped a lot with the scary thing.
I got to Inverness and that’s when what I wore made such a difference to my day. I arrived in Inverness at my brothers place so we could decide what to do. Now they are outdoor kind of people, which is fine, and on a beautiful day like today they wanted to do something. We decided to go to Loch Ness, which is somewhere I’ve driven past but never actually stopped to enjoy. So I drove us over, my brother, his girlfriend and their flatmate, to a little places called Dores on the banks of Loch Ness. Relaxing on the pebble beach we were enjoying wading into the water up to our knees, but with out clothes pulled out the way so we didn’t get them wet. That was, until they decided they wanted to go swimming. Down to their underwear the three of them stripped and waded into the Loch beckoning me to join them. I didn’t want to, I was terrified to take my clothes off and follow them in. There were people around and they would see so much of me, of my body, my skin. I’ve never felt particularly proud or confident in my body and to strip down to my bra and knickers in public seemed rather mad to me. I was just standing there while they enjoyed the cool water. Why couldn’t I enjoy myself too? Forget the scars I wanted to hide, forget the marks on my body that I’m ashamed of, forget the curves that are shunned. When would I get the chance to enjoy time like this again? Life was moving too fast and this was now and I could miss this moment, this memory. I stripped off my clothes until I stood on the banks of Loch Ness in my bra and my underwear in front of those strangers on a beautiful day in a beautiful place. Today I wore my underwear and my skin and I felt strong. Today I wore my confidence like my clothing and I felt beautiful.