Day 9 – Something You Think “What If?” About
This is one I think about quite frequently actually. It doesn’t do good to constantly dwell on a life of ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ but sometimes it is interesting to think. A big “what if?” for me revolves around my move from Glasgow to Aberdeen four years ago. I spent most of my life in the central belt of Scotland, I went to school there and its where most of my immediate family all stay. When I finished high school, due to a number of difficulties with life and my family, I made the conscious decision to move away for university. I’m a lover of earth sciences, a course that is limited to just a few universities in Scotland, and so when I found the course in Aberdeen I knew I just had to go. It was a perfect opportunity for me, moving to a city where I knew no one was appealing for a number of reasons but terrifying all at the same time. So I got the ball in motion and I planned my move across the country. I knew what I was going to be leaving behind me, but I figured that anything or anyone that didn’t come with me would remain a part of my life if it was important enough to maintain the relationship. A huge reason for my move was the relationship that I held with my mum, a rapidly declining relationship that strangled and suffocated. I surrounded myself with really toxic people. I needed to break loose.
A lot has happened in the last four years, so much has changed. I’ve changed so much since moving because I’ve been given the freedom to comfortably be my own person. It has been a whirlwind of a ride, and it hasn’t always been easy, but it was the best choice I’ve made for myself. But I can’t help but wonder what would have become of my life if I’d never made the choice to move up here. I would never have met the people I did. I would have never met my fiance because I met him through university. He has obviously become a huge aspect of my life and, regardless of all the shit-storms that I’ve dealt with since moving here, he makes it all worth it.
My time at university definitely wasn’t a pleasant experience but I feel like that was hugely dependant on myself and the state of my mental health during the time. I loved studying at school, I always did well (more on this another day) and I left school with an excellent little list of qualifications but as it turns out university academics do not agree with me. Or maybe it was the course I chose. But I hated it. I regret wasting the time, I’m glad it’s finally over, and for a little while I regreted moving. But then I wouldn’t have met all the amazing people I did, lived through the experiences I did and flourish as a person as I have. So, I don’t regret the move. Not at all.
I don’t really want to imagine what would have become of my life had I stayed in the central belt. I lived in a town called Kilsyth with my Papa and I miss him terribly, I don’t see him nearly as much as I would like to. I miss my best friend, Lizzie, and I miss my brothers. But I feel like my life would have been miserable, and I’d likely still be working in McDonalds and hating life. My youngest brother has also moved away from home, to the beautiful city of Inverness, and I did everything I could to help the move. I don’t think I would have encouraged him to leave Kilsyth as much as I did had I not already realised the difference it makes to life having our freedom. He’s doing well with his girlfriend (who I adore. I love them both. More on my brother at a later date). From this huge life experience, I would tell you to do the thing you’ve been over-thinking. Take the chance and do something different because you never know the good that will come into your life unless you jump at the opportunity. It isn’t always plain sailing but it’s worth it.
This has been refreshing to write.
See you tomorrow for day 10!